Tuesday, February 28, 2012

That You Might Know Me

For maybe the past year, I have been growing to love the words Jesus spoke in John 17:3
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."
This morning as I sat down to do my devotion I was meditating on this very verse. Before praying I sat at my desk and just thought back to they way God has been working in my life. He has brought me through many hard times. I really can't even describe this God of all Comfort to you. He's Someone you can only truly know through experiencing Him. Even now as I sit at my computer, my heart races for I know that God is good! Every hurt I've felt and every gift I've thought God has taken away, I look back now and praise Him because they were all part of His perfect plan. I see now how every event was precisely placed at a specific time in an exact manner so that I would turn my eyes to the only One who could truly understand.

I know God is good. But lately I'd been feeling sort of void of this wonderful feeling I described to you before. I felt like when I talked to Him, He wasn't responding. So this morning I prayed that the Lord would refocus the eyes of my heart. I prayed that I would let me know Him more.


I started this blog about 3 weeks ago, and I just didn't know how I wanted to finish it. I hadn't felt God move my heart. The feelings I was having didn't go away at the snap of my fingers. I prayed and prayed and asked other people to pray for me...and I could just tell that something was off. I think I had lost my focus. I had taken my eyes off the One who gives peace that surpasses all understanding.

And instead, I had placed my eyes on earthly things. Things that don't even really matter. I was so prideful...comparing others' lives to my own and complaining to God about it. Who am I to tell God what I deserve? I deserve nothing!

I've been so blessed to have opportunity after opportunity to learn more about God these past 5-6 months I've been at Emmaus. I cannot even begin to tell you all of the incredible things I've learned about Him. Yet, my heart has shown otherwise. And this weekend I heard God whisper in my ear "Don't you know how much I love you and care for you? I am jealous for Your heart. Don't you know Me? If you knew me, you would trust Me." And it hit me...John 17:3. I might know a lot about God...but am I knowing Him? And as He whispered the words "that you might know Me" accross my soul...I felt the walls of my heart come shattering to the ground.

I had become so calloused. A beautiful friend of mine had the courage to tell me last fall that I was finding my self worth in a man who didn't really care about me...at least not anymore. Ouch. But she was right. And it had totally warped my mind into thinking that everyone looked at me in his eyes. What was I worth? Not much. But I did have half a brain to know that I couldn't abandon my God. So, I built up some walls and pledged to follow Him wherever He asked. No emotions attached, just a commitment. ...It's wearing!

I am SO thankful that my identity is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ. So what that I have no clue what the next chapter of my life entails? The Author of life itself is writing it and He has blessed me with ways to prepare for whatever it is! Who cares that I don't have a tremendous amound of friends? I have the the Holy Spirit living within me and a mom who is my best friend! Who cares that I don't have a boyfriend right now? I am the bride of Christ...my Groom cares for me with a love that words cannot express...I'm the luckiest girl in the world! So what that I'm up at midnight alone in my dorm room? I have eyes that see and ears that hear and hair on my head. I have a wonderful family and a bed to sleep in. I am blessed.

One of my favorite songs of all times is "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens.
The finaly verse is written:
Cause' when I cross over Jordan,
I'm going to sing, I'm going to shout.
I'm going to look into Your eyes and see You never let me down!

God is so good. He has never let me down. I've followed Him down some hard roads, and He's followed me down some even harder roads. He won't let You down either. Sometimes life isn't fun. Sometimes God allows things to happen that don't make sense. Sometimes God asks you to do things that aren't very comfortable. It's worth it...I can't explain it, but it's worth it.

Ya know...I'm not really sure why I write any of these blogs. I'm not really sure why I feel so compelled to pour my heart of imperfections out for the world to see. I guess I just want you, YOU, to feel what I feel. This is eternal life that you may know Him, the Only True God and Jesus Christ. A friend of mine's status on facebook a few months ago was "I'm sick of dead-end relationships." It makes my heart ache to know that that is reality. But knowing Christ isn't like that...at all. There's no dead end with Him. He is so fulfilling if You let Him be.

Dear Gracious Heavenly Father,
Thank You for all that You've blessed me with. Thank You for being such a Big God. God if anything that I've written is not of You, make it known. But God, if anything is of You, use me to set the captives free. Lord God, I just want people to know You. To really know You. Don't let us give up on You because of human "dead-end" relationships. Allow us to experiece the never-ending love relationship with You that You desire for us to have. Let Yourself be known, Father. Give us eyes to see, ears to hear, and open hearts. Let us not be afraid. You are a good God!
Your daughter, Allie

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