Like a Cut

Like a cut
The pain would not go.
It hurt so bad
And healed so slow.
Heartache's disguise...
A plastic smile.
Even one inch
Felt like a mile.
Stinging
A salty tear fell in my wound.
But a whisper
"It will be over soon."
Give me strength...
Enough to stand.
Through wet eyes
I saw a gentle hand.
"Get up"
Said a soft and tender voice.
"I can help you
Remember, it's your choice."
Though it felt of
pain and anguish,
It's what I wanted...
What I wished.
And like a cut
It's finally gone.
Yes I can say
Goodbye, so long.

Life

Sometimes it's a picture

Sometimes it's a song

Sometimes it's a memory

But mostly it's just that star

At first my heart just tingles

But then it stars to break

When I remember all the pain

Of when you let it break

It doesn't take much

I remember it like yesterday

The swinging and laughing

The walks and the talks

The raspberry picking and water fights

The 5am sunrise

It's funny how the heart doesn't remember the bad times

So I will trust in my Savior

For I have learned your very name is to go down...to descend

And HIS name brings LIFE

And I will choose LIFE.

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed

[Matthew 2:10]

To seek you and be overjoyed

Is this my heart?

Traveling miles to fill the void

Where do I start?

Humbled, helpless, yet King of kings

You love me

You're worth more than all other things

You are lovely

I know the truth still I search

What am I thinking?

For things of only temporal worth

I turn from You, hardly blinking

 

Of course I'd be left discontent

You alone can satisfy

I pray Father, will you relent?

Forgive me for trying to gratify

 

I'm looking to You

Not longing to be approved by men

Let me fall in love too

Captivate my soul again

 

To see you and be overjoyed

This I pray

Traveling miles to fill the void

Starts today

I Recant

The purpose of this post is to somewhat "recant" my last post...

 

I Believe

God...I want to trust You. I want to believe that You are working out what is best for me. I want to believe that You want me to be happy.

But I just don't.

I don't trust You right now. I believe that You are trustworthy. I believe that You are sovereign. I believe that You are stong. I believe that You are holy. I believe that You are true. I believe that You are in control of all things. I believe that You are love. I believe that You are good. But I do not trust You right now.

I don't believe that You are working out what is best for me. I believe that You could if you wanted to, but I don't believe that You are. I believe that You are working out what is best for You. I believe that what is best for you is best for me by default, but I don't believe that You're thinking about me in the process. I don't believe You're looking out for my best interest. It's not about me. It's about You. What I want matters little. What You want matters all. I don't believe You are working out what is best for me.

I don't believe that You want me to be happy. I believe that You want me to have joy, but not happiness. You want me to have joy in spite of my unhappiness. I believe that You want me to endure suffering so that I understand what I do to You each day. I believe that You are purposefully not giving me what I want. I believe that You are always intentional. I don't believe You want me to be happy.

I know I'm selfish. I know I'm undeserving. I know You are perfect. I know You are worthy.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

 

 

The very title of my blog is Oh Happy Day; the verse that I've chosen as the motto of the blog is Psalm 90:1 "Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for JOY and be GLAD all our days!"

 

I was definitely having a "woe is me" kind of day when I wrote my last blog post.  I know that God wants to fulfill the desires of my heart.  Romans 8:32 says "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

I’m going to be really real with you. I don’t always feel as though Christ is satisfying every desire of my heart. I want more than anything in the world to be a wife and mommy. I would probably give up just about anything for God to bless me in that way. There are times when I see my friends happily dating, engaged, married, announcing pregnancies, or playing with their babies…and I am truly happy for them, yet I feel so saddened that I don’t get to have that. But, right now, that isn’t God’s best plan for me. Another thing that I desire greatly is for my big brother to be completely healed from the brain aneurysm he had a year and a half ago. It breaks my heart every time I recall a precious memory of a time we shared as kids that he just doesn’t remember. Sometimes he is afraid to go to sleep because he remembers being trapped in a body that didn’t work and fears that it might happen again. I see him sad when he realizes he can’t do the things he used to; it makes me so emotional at times I just want to scream. But, God has a purpose and a plan for my brother. And, right now, God’s best plan is not for him to be completely healed.

God is good. The times I don’t feel satisfied are times that I am not allowing Him to satisfy me. Right now, as I type these words, I still have those desires I mentioned, but I am completely satisfied in Christ. I know that if I were looking for satisfaction in those temporal blessings and God gave them to me, my heart would not be completely satisfied. I would just want the next things on my list. Only when I delight in who God is…when my hearts is completely captivated by Him, am I ever satisfied.

To be satisfied is to have the desires of our hearts fulfilled. Psalm 37:4 says that if we delight in the Lord He will give us the desires of our hearts. But, until Christ is the desire of our heart, we will continually fail to be satisfied. God knows that Christ is the only One who could ever satisfy us, so that is what He chooses to give us. It is our choice whether or not we allow Him to be our source of satisfaction. I encourage you to start praying today and every day that God will help you to fall more in love with His precious Son. I promise you, that is one prayer that He will answer with an enormous YES every time! And, when He does, you will be satisfied.

I Believe

God...I want to trust You.  I want to believe that You are working out what is best for me.  I want to believe that You want me to be happy. 

But I just don't. 

I don't trust You right now.  I believe that You are trustworthy.  I believe that You are sovereign.  I believe that You are stong.  I believe that You are holy.  I believe that You are true.  I believe that You are in control of all things.  I believe that You are love.  I believe that You are good.  But I do not trust You right now.

I don't believe that You are working out what is best for me.  I believe that You could if you wanted to, but I don't believe that You are.  I believe that You are working out what is best for You.  I believe that what is best for you is best for me by default, but I don't believe that You're thinking about me in the process.  I don't believe You're looking out for my best interest.  It's not about me.  It's about You.  What I want matters little.  What You want matters all.  I don't believe You are working out what is best for me.

I don't believe that You want me to be happy.  I believe that You want me to have joy, but not happiness.  You want me to have joy in spite of my unhappiness.  I believe that You want me to endure suffering so that I understand what I do to You each day.  I believe that You are purposefully not giving me what I want.  I believe that You are always intentional.  I don't believe You want me to be happy.

I know I'm selfish.  I know I'm undeserving.  I know You are perfect.  I know You are worthy.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.

Verse of the Day #1

For the past couple of weeks, my mom has been talking about starting a tradition to pick a verse every day as an encouragement for Brooks. This morning, she finally decided to start! Mo of course wanted Brooks to pick out the first verse. So, she read a few verses aloud for him to choose from. At the end of each verse he would confidently shake his head "no." So, she decided to go through the books of the Bible. "Should the verse be from Psalms?" He again would shake his head "no." After going through various books, she finally asked "What about Revelation?" "Yes, yes and yes!" was his reply. If you don't already know, "Yes, yes and yes" is the answer we always get when we get something right! As all of you who know Brooks might guess, he makes sure to let us know when we're wrong :) So after settling on Revelation, they continued their search for the perfect verse to start the verse of the day trend. Appropriately, Brooks eventually selected Revelation 19:6 "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns!" How cool! What a great verse to be our first verse of the day!

I find it so amazing and humbling that Brooks would choose this verse for his encouragement. At first glance, the verse might not offer me much encouragement. It would seem to me to be a praise in which I got nothing in return. But I think Brooks saw much more than my little eyes could see.

You see, the verse claims the Lord as our God. It personalizes Him. The Lord is Brooks' God. He is my God. He is your God. Intimately we can know Him! Then the Lord is called the Almighty! He is enourmous and great and magnificent! He is strong and powerful and good! The verse ends by explaining that this Lord, our God, the Almighty, HE REIGNS! HE is in control! HE is the ruler!

It makes sense that the verse would start by proclaiming "Hallelujah!" And it makes sense that Brooks would choose this verse to be his first verse of the day. Brooks is in the hands of his Almighty God and Sovereign Lord! And he knows it! What shall he fear? What an incredible encouragement! A girl can learn a lot from her big brother!!

Hands and Feet

I've loved Isaiah 6:8 for as long as I can remember. I was chatting with a friend yesterday, and she asked me what my "life verse" was. At first I didn't think I had one. I definitely don't choose to recite a specific verse everyday, I don't remember ever making a commitment to live out a specific verse everyday, and I don't think there's really one specific verse that ever comes to my mind in every situation I'm in. But I told her and will tell you: at some point in my life I do remember my heart being pricked after reading Isaiah 6:8. And ever since, every single time I read it I have the same pinch in my heart. The verse says

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Even right now as I type these thoughts, the desire in my heart is only to be sent by my Lord. I long to go out with a mission for my God. Maybe Isaiah 6:8 is my life verse.

I don't know why, but recently I've been listening to a lot of blasts from the past when it comes to my music choices. LOTS of Five Iron Frenzy (I heard a rumor they're coming back by the way!), and this morning I had a craving for some Audio Adrenaline. It was funny, I just really felt like I needed to play "Hands and Feet." If you've never heard it, you HAVE to go listen right now! The chorus says

I wanna be Your hands. I wanna be Your feet. I'll go where You send me. I'll go where You send me ... And I'll try, yeah I'll try to touch the world like You touch my life. And, I'll find my way to be Your hands.

I find it fascinating that right after I was thinking about Isaiah 6:8 last night, I decided to listen to these words this morning. I'm telling you, God just never ceases to amaze me! He is just so cool!

As I listened to the words this morning I realized it was my hearts desire to be Christ's hands and feet. I also realized that I truly thought in my head I would do ANYTHING the Lord asked me to do. Then it hit me...how much I complain about what He has been asking me to do. Right now, He's asking me to be in school...and I complain about it...A LOT. My argument always goes something like this "God, there are so many hurting people who need You. How can I help them when I'm sitting in a desk all day in class or doing homework for that class? Yes I can be involved in ministries, but I want to do more. I want it to me my job right now. I want my own ministry. I'm ready to write, I'm ready to paint, I want to do this or that. Why are you making me waste so much time in school?!"

I'm so annoying. I'm getting annoyed just rereading what I typed. God must be very patient because I think He hears these words at least 5 times every week (or day =/). I do honestly believe that God wants me to be in school right now. I don't question that at all. So, here God is asking me to go to school in a comfortable place where I have friends, great professors, food, a bed, and everything I need. He has been a faithful provider, and He has never left my side. I'm not too far from my friends and family back home. And here I sit, screaming at the top of my lungs to Him "Just send me out into the unknown! I'll go to Africa or China or the remostest place on the planet! I'll stay in the U.S. and do something big. Anywhere that I can serve You (except for school)." Do you see what I'm seeing? All I can say is WOW. Not only am I annoying, but I'm a liar. I'm telling God that I will do anything for Him, and then I'm stomping my feet at His calling all the while looking for the fastest exit. Sheesh...

Isaiah 42:5-7 says

This is what God the Lord says- He who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it: I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open the eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

"I've called You, Allie." God whispered to me. "I will use you. I will set the captives free by using you. I will touch lives by using you. I will hold your hand the entire time. I will do all of these things through you and for you. I'm your Daddy, and I love You. But first, I want you to finish school. I want you to be a witness for Me there, I want you to be a witness for Me by staying, I want you to be a witness for Me through the knowledge you will aquire there, I want you to wait until I tell you to move, I want you to trust Me."

God has a different plan for each one of us. He has each of us at a different place doing a different thing. He is sovereign and He sees you where you are. He has a plan for you, and He wants you to trust Him. He's got you, and you have nothing to fear.

Father Lord,

Today I'm making Isaiah 6:8 my life verse. When I come to any situation, the first thing I want to think is "I have been sent by God." I want to do the things You have sent me to do...without complaining. Lord God, help me to trust You. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on You. Guide my footsteps and lead me where You want me to go. Show me the way one step at a time. Let me have ears to hear you, and help me to listen and obey. Father, help me to be excited about where You have me right now. Ezekiel 34:14 says "I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel." In response to that verse, Stormie Omartin writes in Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On "If God wants you in the place you are now, then there are NO greener pastures." Father God, I know that You want me here right now. There are NO greener pastures. God, You are so good to me. Thank you for choosing me, loving me, forgiving me, sending me, providing for me, comforting me, holding my hand, blessing me, never leaving me, and all of the things You do for me. God use me where I am. Let people see You in my actions, my words, my character, this blog...all of me. Let no part of me be my own. All of me to Yours; I belong to You, my King. In Your precious Son's name, Amen.